Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
