I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
