I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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