yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
