Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
