i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize