he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Enjoy the penises
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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