There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
