At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
