return my video game
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
