her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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