Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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