On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
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Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
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im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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