Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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