Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
