just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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