I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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