goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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