If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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