How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
