her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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