my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
How does one acquire holy water?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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