Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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