would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
