I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
