his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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