no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Couch. On fire.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
