Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
