Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
