I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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