Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
