Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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