shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
