life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
