Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
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That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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