Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
