im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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