I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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