I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
