You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
