I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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