Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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