he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
