Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
