He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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