how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Randomize
