All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
