you guys were way drunker than both of me
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
