no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
