omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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