This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
