Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
