I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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