Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
