Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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