new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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