We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize