Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
