i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
