the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize