is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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