He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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