upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
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