seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
