I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
this boner is exhausting
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
