Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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