Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My room smells like vodka and shame
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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