I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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